Does anyone else sing the chorus to My Humps when they eat something really good, except they replace the humps with lunch? Because that is what I did, alone, eating leftover spaghetti with probably two hundred pounds of garlic and spinach in it. Herb-y and fragrant, even after it was microwaved. Why does anyone bother with pasta that isn’t spaghetti? I rarely eat carbohydrates. It was a big deal for me.

This is a fun game to play, if you’re me: After a bath, scrutinize your body while you put on lotion. Wow, there are so many things wrong with me! Do this until you finally start shivering from the cold, hurriedly put on your clothes, then resolve to never ever take off your clothes ever again.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

If you’re a person I follow who posts selfies, I’ve definitely at one point or another fought the urge to reblog them and add my own obnoxious all caps compliments. “SHUT UP YOU’RE HANDSOME” and so on. So. Just keep that in mind if you ever feel down about your appearance, I guess.

SMBC

God, the look on a clients face when I asked about his old sick cat. He was surprised that I remembered and cared, so touched. “Oh!” he said. And then he told me they had to put her down as that is better than making her suffer a long slow death, his face on the verge of crumbling. “I know it’s weird for a grown man to be sad about a cat, but…”. All you have to do is pay attention and people think you’re kinder, that you share a rare connection. It makes them like you more.

This morning I said a sentence that included the phrase “the erotic potential of armpits”.

The older I get the more fiercely protective I become of women and girls younger than me.

It’s been more than six months since Breaking Bad has ended and I’m still highly suspicious and critical of Skyler White haters.

Panic snaps

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